I am D-O-N-E!
Does pursuing and then having a career, and/or a mission to have money, and/or to amass material things around you, and/or to "achieve" a degree from a university/college, and/or only as a couple, you support financially your family mean that, you have ABSOLUTELY no other worth in this world of ours?....that having all these attributes and acquisitions, define us as what it is to be worthy and what it is not to be worthy?
I say with a heavy heart that I am constantly and with consistent barrage from some, judged and questioned about my daily living routines and rituals....I have been told that I am viewed as a lazy person....that I must be "depressed" or "in a funk"....that our boys are grown so, "what are you going to do now or what are you doing?".....that I have had the words hit my ear and travel to my mind and finding it's way to my reasoning center, "what have you done today?"....that I can sit amongst others and be viewed as a non-interesting person because, I do not have anything that is deemed "important" enough from the outside world to share or have in common with....and lastly, the one that makes puddles of my tears routinely, is that I am so very SELFISH in how I live my daily life....that I so very much take for granted my husband and selfishly allow him to bear all the responsibilities of our life and our conduct....that he will never see retirement because of ME....where the hell they got that one I'll never wrap my brain around....
So I am asking, does being successful in a marriage and life mean, that you can only be of great purpose if you are contributing to the household finances and/or that you are being productive in a career or field of expertise?
I am constantly fighting against others perception of me and what I bring to the life that I have been given....that I have no purpose nor drive in life....you know when we are introduced to someone, it is the part of the basic-casual conversation to be a question to one another, "so what do you do or what do you do for a living?"....when I was a young Mother just starting out, it was easy....I would reply, "I stay at home to take care of our 2 young sons and boy, are they a handful!"....some would say, "oh, that is so wonderful of you to do that" or there are the one's that said, "so, you do nothing else outside of the home then?"....how does one respond to that?....my husband and I believed we were taking care of our precious children the way we wanted to and of course we didn't want to offend the person that was in front of me asking such things....so I would try and change the subject.....at times, later learning that they either did not have children (yet) or they did have some and chose to work outside of the home....still, the judgment was scoured into my pores and I was not doing that to them!....then in later years it had and still does become increasingly more difficult to speak the truth when asked....for my truth would not be looked at in a positive light still nor would the questions they would ask, make me feel that I am substantial or that have proper society's worth on this earth....it is with my eyes casted downward, while I am desperately trying to compose in my head, what response will fit best in the situation at hand....to not feel judgment to what my truth really is for me.....it has happened to me so many times....I have seen it in their eyes and body language while I am responding to each of their questions....I have also found that when I have confronted those and have spoken my truth, with all my self-esteem and confidence in tact, they quickly find something else to be doing or better yet, find SOMEONE else to talk to....it has become somewhat easier to dismiss the person I hardly knew or will likely see again....yet, family and their perception of me and who I am, has relevance to my conduct....
I had a best friend once speak up for me in such a situation....she quickly responded to "said" question of me because, she has known my affliction to this judgment of my character....her response to it was, "N gets to do what we all wish we could do everyday....N gets to not be at work all day and is quite happy and content!"....with joy in my heart because my best friends always have my back, I smile to her and say "thank you"....
Some may still choose to pursue me in their list of inquires as to what I "really" do with myself daily....some just do not know how to respond to my truth at all....I get allot of nodding....no happiness across their faces or they are plastered on nicey smiles....it is usually the responses of letters falling out of their mouths, forming the words of judgment and unaccepted conduct that I hear more often....so why wouldn't I recoil back into myself and sit in what Peace I can find....I try so hard to not judge them back...."they are from another era"...."they believe that it is important to have a job and be productive in society"....I justify myself and my life with an openness that I am just starting to be comfortable in....yes, they are allowed opinion and question....just not belittlement or making me feel small and insignificant, even if it causes them to be unsettled....
How many of us can with an honest and open heart say, they absolutely LOVE their life?....I so can!....I am following my passion each day!....okay, not everyday....I do have some hard days as we all encounter them time to time....some transcend from day to day because they are things that are beyond our control....yet for the most part, my days, weeks, months, and years are filled with the pleasures of seeking peace and contentment....I indeed experience both!....that I can still be teacher and student at the same time....that I am interesting to be with....I am content with life....anything more than what I have is gravy!....that sitting in the silence is a "good" thing....
My loved and adored husband, of 26 plus years, has never ever asked nor said any of the unkind things that others of importance to me have....his mannerisms in our life has never shown me that he "hopes" or "wishes" that I would do differently than what I do now....to him, I haven't given "cause" for him to question my actions in life....this is OUR life together and it works for us....I have in the past, when things got extremely hairy with Jay losing a job, a niece coming to live with us and not knowing for how it would be, or that we needed to refinance or such, I have always without "moaning" or "complaining" stepped up to "help" my family....I have come to realize that there are some family members and some other's, that believe that I am not of any help to him because of "my lack of purpose" in life....I know me to be productive and that I contribute....
I AM VALID!
My conduct in life and in the relationships I love and maintain should be enough....right?
Does pursuing and then having a career, and/or a mission to have money, and/or to amass material things around you, and/or to "achieve" a degree from a university/college, and/or only as a couple, you support financially your family mean that, you have ABSOLUTELY no other worth in this world of ours?....that having all these attributes and acquisitions, define us as what it is to be worthy and what it is not to be worthy?
I say with a heavy heart that I am constantly and with consistent barrage from some, judged and questioned about my daily living routines and rituals....I have been told that I am viewed as a lazy person....that I must be "depressed" or "in a funk"....that our boys are grown so, "what are you going to do now or what are you doing?".....that I have had the words hit my ear and travel to my mind and finding it's way to my reasoning center, "what have you done today?"....that I can sit amongst others and be viewed as a non-interesting person because, I do not have anything that is deemed "important" enough from the outside world to share or have in common with....and lastly, the one that makes puddles of my tears routinely, is that I am so very SELFISH in how I live my daily life....that I so very much take for granted my husband and selfishly allow him to bear all the responsibilities of our life and our conduct....that he will never see retirement because of ME....where the hell they got that one I'll never wrap my brain around....
So I am asking, does being successful in a marriage and life mean, that you can only be of great purpose if you are contributing to the household finances and/or that you are being productive in a career or field of expertise?
I am constantly fighting against others perception of me and what I bring to the life that I have been given....that I have no purpose nor drive in life....you know when we are introduced to someone, it is the part of the basic-casual conversation to be a question to one another, "so what do you do or what do you do for a living?"....when I was a young Mother just starting out, it was easy....I would reply, "I stay at home to take care of our 2 young sons and boy, are they a handful!"....some would say, "oh, that is so wonderful of you to do that" or there are the one's that said, "so, you do nothing else outside of the home then?"....how does one respond to that?....my husband and I believed we were taking care of our precious children the way we wanted to and of course we didn't want to offend the person that was in front of me asking such things....so I would try and change the subject.....at times, later learning that they either did not have children (yet) or they did have some and chose to work outside of the home....still, the judgment was scoured into my pores and I was not doing that to them!....then in later years it had and still does become increasingly more difficult to speak the truth when asked....for my truth would not be looked at in a positive light still nor would the questions they would ask, make me feel that I am substantial or that have proper society's worth on this earth....it is with my eyes casted downward, while I am desperately trying to compose in my head, what response will fit best in the situation at hand....to not feel judgment to what my truth really is for me.....it has happened to me so many times....I have seen it in their eyes and body language while I am responding to each of their questions....I have also found that when I have confronted those and have spoken my truth, with all my self-esteem and confidence in tact, they quickly find something else to be doing or better yet, find SOMEONE else to talk to....it has become somewhat easier to dismiss the person I hardly knew or will likely see again....yet, family and their perception of me and who I am, has relevance to my conduct....
I had a best friend once speak up for me in such a situation....she quickly responded to "said" question of me because, she has known my affliction to this judgment of my character....her response to it was, "N gets to do what we all wish we could do everyday....N gets to not be at work all day and is quite happy and content!"....with joy in my heart because my best friends always have my back, I smile to her and say "thank you"....
Some may still choose to pursue me in their list of inquires as to what I "really" do with myself daily....some just do not know how to respond to my truth at all....I get allot of nodding....no happiness across their faces or they are plastered on nicey smiles....it is usually the responses of letters falling out of their mouths, forming the words of judgment and unaccepted conduct that I hear more often....so why wouldn't I recoil back into myself and sit in what Peace I can find....I try so hard to not judge them back...."they are from another era"...."they believe that it is important to have a job and be productive in society"....I justify myself and my life with an openness that I am just starting to be comfortable in....yes, they are allowed opinion and question....just not belittlement or making me feel small and insignificant, even if it causes them to be unsettled....
How many of us can with an honest and open heart say, they absolutely LOVE their life?....I so can!....I am following my passion each day!....okay, not everyday....I do have some hard days as we all encounter them time to time....some transcend from day to day because they are things that are beyond our control....yet for the most part, my days, weeks, months, and years are filled with the pleasures of seeking peace and contentment....I indeed experience both!....that I can still be teacher and student at the same time....that I am interesting to be with....I am content with life....anything more than what I have is gravy!....that sitting in the silence is a "good" thing....
My loved and adored husband, of 26 plus years, has never ever asked nor said any of the unkind things that others of importance to me have....his mannerisms in our life has never shown me that he "hopes" or "wishes" that I would do differently than what I do now....to him, I haven't given "cause" for him to question my actions in life....this is OUR life together and it works for us....I have in the past, when things got extremely hairy with Jay losing a job, a niece coming to live with us and not knowing for how it would be, or that we needed to refinance or such, I have always without "moaning" or "complaining" stepped up to "help" my family....I have come to realize that there are some family members and some other's, that believe that I am not of any help to him because of "my lack of purpose" in life....I know me to be productive and that I contribute....
I AM VALID!
My conduct in life and in the relationships I love and maintain should be enough....right?
3 comments:
Ohhhhhh, chica... this sounds like a 'Nando's' story! When are we going??
: )
Hey, Norma! I care for you so much and can't imagine people being judgemental like that. Please know that it only speaks about them and their insecurity, and has nothing to do with you! You inspire me to slow down and appreciate the smaller and bigger things in life more; the people in my life more. I will never judge you except as a role model that I wish I were more like. Your love and goodness just seep into me every time you give me one of your wonderful hugs. I'm so very glad I am able to call you my friend!
Love you!
Martha
Thank you for this post. I definitely relate: as of right now, I am staying at home, no job, and being a full-time student. My boyfriend, Kris, is the one working full-time and supporting us.
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