Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I Am Peace!

Pretty, isn't this?

These cards are part of an amazing gift that my chica gave to me about a 2 months or so ago. C is always wanting to expose me (and to R) the joys of life and provide tools that may help, if not encourage me to do so. That's not to imply that C believes that I do not have joy in my life at all. C is just helping me increase my perception of my life, to what more there possibly can be for me.

Ever heard of Louise L. Hay? This women is an author, life coach, and teacher. She is one of "Oprah's" guru's. 27 books by her, available for us that are still N-Search. I have one of her books also. "You Can Heal Your Life." Let me first say, I am S-T-I-L-L on page 22 and I bought it around 4 months ago. Ms. Hay, really has you do some intense inner work, to progress to the next chapter or text. Like I said, I am still on page 22. It is sitting on my coffee table still beckoning me to read further. This is another post entirely!

Among the materials this women has written, Ms. Hay's has designed a most colorful and rich in worded, box of cards. 64 affirmations to help develop our inner wisdom. C gave both to R and I a box to call our very own. C shared that she carries this new treasure with her everywhere she goes. Reading one when her life, at that very moment, isn't being what is fair or is just reminding her that it has nothing to do with her at all.

Each card has a statement on one side, saying what you maybe wanting to overcome. The flip-side is the affirmation to what you need to tell your inner self. I have come to learn and see that each of these cards of bliss, I should ALWAYS be saying to my inner self. They are paper blessings for me. The words of each, leap off the cards to envelope my heart!

This one here is my absolute favorite! The colors, are of the Monet-colors and texture. (favorite favorite artist of mine!) I remember this one being on the very top when I opened my new treasure box. The statement and affirmation is MY life now and always!

I believe it was a sign.

The universe was reminding me,

* Disclaimer*

Apparently, after spending time with my amazing Chica C, she brought to my attention that the Louise Hay's book that I have, You Can Heal Your Life, I bought over a year ago! Not 4 months or so! Sometimes my time and space are very jumbled. Purposely or not, I am grateful that best friend C can be my time keeper. Maybe I should spend the time to get passed page 22 and implement the tools to make my life more incredible. Will see.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Peace in the English Garden

An English Garden is peaceful and sweet don't you think?

My Chica C, upon dropping me off one afternoon, after a trip up to Bath & Body Works for their annual Mega-Sale of sale, says to me while she is pulling away, "N, you should take photo's of your English garden and do a blog about it." "Really, you think I should?" I reply. "Oh, absolutely!", she responds in a sing-like voice.

Okay. I think I can manage this one.

A dear girlfriend of mine, whom I no longer get to see or we are apart of each other anymore, made this livable home for our feathered friends. She had a way with the folk and of the rustic creations and I admit, I have many many of her pieces scattered throughout my home inside and out! She had a gift with her creations and I miss that of her also.

So here we be, or as it should be, so here we "bee". All the Bumble and Carpenter bee's (and even a few B-I-G black bee's) have buzzed and weaved throughout each and every blossom that has sprung. Oh, and the butterfly's that have visited here! The have fluttered and settled on my arms and my cheek once and awhile when, weeding the little bed of earth and life. They frolic and dance to the song of the breezes or of my breath.

These tall and regal rose bushes were given to me as a Mother's Day gift a few years back by the loves-of-my-life sons. I always wanted a rose bush. I would spy them in neighborhoods and in our friends yards and just dream and drool over them. The colors ranging from one end of the color spectrum to the other. Rich-love-red being my favorite. I really have never been one to "like" the cut version of the traditional red roses bouquet. Yet, growing in a garden just takes my breath away. Royal and of elegance. Yes, my favorite indeed.

My little English garden plot, has little growing in her as of the moment. I usually keep her sparse in the summer months. So much of our God plantings wilt and parish in our hot hot Arizona sunshine. I had French lavender that I was going to plant around the base of Chateau le Peace (the birdhouse I named). To help the bee's create Lavender honey for sure! The flats of 8 planets sitting around Chateau le Peace, in the late afternoon after I had purchased them. Spending time and ones creativity, to see how I wanted them to be rooted and for each of them to call home. I return with trowel in hand come the early morning hours to find, that someone or of the beasties have taken them, palette and all! I have not gotten the courage back to have more lavender again in my garden. It is obvious that someone else or the beasties are in need of them more than I.

I will wait till September again and find all the joys to come and reside in my garden. Pansies with their faces that smile at you each day. Larkspur and their reaching for the heavens in waves of colors. Daisies that just make you want to make chains of them and wear as a crown. Vincas and how their small and precious petals can bring such bliss. Sweet peas that say it all in their name. Bachelor buttons and their distinct round perfectness. Majestic sunflowers that stand behind the roses. Their color transpires to a jumble of happiness. And of course there are a plethora of others that I could name again and again. These are just my favorites.

Thanks Chica! I am thinking that my English Garden was a great post. Let's hope that others that visit agree.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Sisters and Daughters Finding Peace.

B and L-L.
AKA: Angel-Face.

My post today, is impart, a letter I had written to my most amazing and beautiful of spirit sister B. I had given it to her this past Saturday evening at L-L's graduation party that B hosted. In my not wanting to fold it up in business form and it enclosed in an envelope, I wrapped it up in soft angel tissue paper. Tied it with ribbon of course in love. The gold ribbon chosen was exactly like the one that is wrapped around both of our sister-hearts uniting them as one.

I had struggled on what I wanted to do for my B, to commemorate this milestone of an occasion. B has now become a new member of a club ("the club for parents who's children old enough to go away to college") I wanted to acknowledge to my B that, she truly has had everything to do with our L-L's getting to this point in her life. For my stating to B in some way, that her sole parenting and the rearing of her daughter was what was right. That it was my B's own perception and interpretation of life. Of her approach to the world that, has set L-L's footsteps in motion. In realizing that L-L is now a more confidant and amazing spirit in this world.

As I begin this here, as you all do know, my B is extremely important to me and that my life is enriched in so many ways. That it is just because God gave her to me (I really, at one time believed that he did!) In looking over past posts here on my blog, it is obvious the tremendous importance she is to me and how deeply loved and admired she is.

As for specific details of our pasts, I will not post into cyber-world the truths of our family (not because of shame or pain but, each of our stories are ours to tell and have spoken out loud) I can say there is one exception in a detail, it is also because of my B, that I am truly a better human being to myself, to my family/friends and to all that I encounter. R and C right along side of her. That B's existence in my life is constant and ever so consistent. Fact known, no one should ever be tested in the ways that B and I have had to endure. But, our past it is and past it will remain. For a long time now, my life is just addedly more wonderful, blessed, empowered, and funnier, because we ARE such great sisters.

So, here is what I came up with in words and paper. The tears that only a sister can shed came down upon ones clothing. A testament of a sister's love for her little sister.

"To my dearest sister B-
I have sat and written out this letter of love and acknowledgment, at least a hundred times over this past month. My deciding upon which paper I should use, lined simply or with embellishments on it. Typed on the computer, or is that really too impersonal? What color ink or pen should be used, so that it will hold each of the emotions that I am wanting so much so, to convey. The color and texture of the paper important too. That I started and I restarted. I erased and I threw away pages after pages. All of my thoughts then collected on what I want to say. All the important recollections of our past and of our present, that I too wanted to state. And lastly, of a sister who is just wanting to speak to her little sister's heart. Letting her know that she so deeply understands the "knowing". As well as, to have another opportunity to tell her that, she is so overwhelmingly loved and adored by me.
Finally I sit here at the computer, (screw the impersonalizing of it!) font color picked, the template too, and my heart ready to speak.

Dear B,
you are now in a chapter of your life that holds an 18 year old daughter that is soon to be off to college. A new journey for her and so much more, for you! It is a milestone that has all Mom's feeling left behind with so many different emotions. The bittersweetness of it can be so overwhelming! So much so, that I have witnessed the strongest of Mom's brought down to their knees. It is not discriminatory. At times we all desperately will try to pause long enough, to cram in all the huge amounts of love and joy, that we want them to take with them come Fall. Making each precious because, they will soon be coming to a screeching halt!
As your sister and as a Mom too, whom is already a member of this club, I "know" of the various dialogs that you are possibly running in your head. The many check lists that you have written out and/or have delegated to L-L too. Applications being filled out. Contents including all that is required. Grades and transfers. Letters of recommendation asked for and received. Scholarships applied for and awarded to from NAU. Follow ups. Her prom and new dress. Senior pictures and her announcements filled out and mailed. Awards ceremony. Cap and gown. Graduation. Party. Packing her up. Driving her to NAU.
I also "know" of the heart-felt dialogs that your heart has spoken over and over again. Of the sleepless nights and drives home from work to cause us to be lost somewhere else in our minds or that has us puddles of tears. The many items you have created mentally to say and to remember. "Did I remember to teach her how to rely on herself more in living away from home?" "Did I show her by good example, that she can accomplish anything this life has in-store for her?" "Will I ever come to know if she really will miss me, as much as I am going to miss her?" "Did I get her enough warm clothes for those winter months?" "Did I tell her how, "liking" her as a soul on this planet, in all true purpose, is the biggest gift in her being chosen to be my daughter?" And, "will I really survive this whole transition well and come to "know" the knowing and put it in a healthy place?"
I so "know" that there are many other head and heart dialogs that you have said in your quietest moments. I may not have hit them all and even of the ones that are more important to you but, just
"know" that I "know."
When the absence of our children in our daily living occurs, it can be all consuming for a period of time. Over time, it will settle and a rhythm of your family will become a new melody of your life. Of course you will cry at appropriate and inappropriate times. Letting each tear fall. It really honors what you are to her in so many ways. Be it when you are in the shower and in the car, or in the grocery store passing her favorite brand of hummus, or when K and C will say that they "miss Sissy and could we please call and talk to her."
Just know that I "know".
When I have chosen to recall the times of the life that, was so long ago for us as a family, the could of's and would be's of then, cause me to only just stand up tall, with pride in my heart, tears cascading down upon my cheeks, in thunderous applause of you! You B, have raised your daughter. You became the Mom you were meant to be for L-L. Fulfilling the plan that God had set in motion those 18 years ago. Recognizing when you once again saw God's light.
J spoke in a room somewhere, one day that was so long ago. We know him to be a man of very few words. Yet he spoke of heroes that day to a small important crowd. He stood and said out loud into the world, more in that testament, than your very own sister could ever say in her own lifetime.
So, with that being said, know this too, I so love and adore you B, in words indescribable and non-writable.
That you now "know" the "know" and it will be okay.
And lastly B,
"Oh the Places You Will Go....."
With love for you that is bursting out of my heart,

Can you tell how B has affected me and the life I live? How could anyone not adore her? In her way of how she thinks and of her arrangement of the words to say, can always be haunting and reverent to my life and of those who let her in. I love her sense of humor, how her quirks are joyous and infectious! To be in her world is always fun and always full of love.

I have been blessed with 3 of the most increditable best friends in my life! I live daily in my gratitude for them. I always believe I try to make a point when we are all together, to relay to them just how important they are in my existance. Yet, I never believe I have ever acknowledged to anyone that, my very first best friend, in my life, was my little sister B.

So, now I have.


My life just gets better and better.

Oh, and did I mention too that B had the best graduation party ever for L-L! B put on the greatest spread for L-L. Hostess and proud Mom. Yup, told you she is the best!